A FRIEND instead of a “friend”

A friend of mine is going through a difficult time now, and I’m not saying that I know how exactly she’s feeling. To be honest, I absolutely hate it when people say to me “I know how you’re feeling” and “oh yeah, when that happened to me…” It’s not the same.  It’s never the same because we’re all different people and we take things differently.  Some people, when they’re feeling down, the first thing they do is reach for the phone and call someone for emotional support, and then there are people like me, who go through stuff and nobody knows until three months later.  Some people drink, and some people reach for God. I don’t know if there is a right or wrong way to deal with things, but I suppose there is a healthy and unhealthy way.

From simple observation, people like me, women in particular, who have type A personalities and a need to show the world that they are OK when they are in fact, not, often end up getting some form of cancer.  The ones who know how to express, do tend to be healthier in the long run.  I have to take my own advice here. I never know how to talk about things that are troubling me.  I hold it in, until something triggers it and then the floodgates open, and well, that’s precisely why I’m described as being a “psycho”.  The thing is, there are times when you just don’t know who to turn to.  Of course there’s family and friends, who often come to you when they need a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen, but let’s be honest, you know these people well.  Some people you don’t go to because they somehow make it about them, and then there are some people you don’t go to because the minute you go to them, they go AWOL.

There’s the constant pessimist or the one who waits for the chance to put you down. This person for me was Zul. I swear the guy got a buzz from putting me down, and he lived for the days when I was emotionally insecure or needed to talk so that he could tell me how it was my fault and end whatever it is with a statement outlining the fact that I was either fat or short.  With people like these, the best thing to do on a bad day is avoid them.  Actually, might be best to avoid them for life.  I think people who tend to wait for these moments to make you feel bad generally don’t feel very good about themselves.

Then there are the good time buddies.  Here are the friends who are only your friends when there are drinks involved and partying to be had.  Wonder where they are when you’re out of a job and don’t really want to spend much on a night out.  Oh yes, they’re enjoying a night out and the next day, they’re too busy suffering from a hangover.  It’s OK, you’ll hear all about it because you really are interested in hearing how great their last night out was at this point.  Note also, that these are “friends” I haven’t heard from since I gave up drinking.  I often look around at people who are always out drinking with their “friends” and wonder what would happen if they gave up drinking, and to top it off, discovered religion.

As bad as it seems, once you’ve gone through the process of elimination, there are a few people who are still there.  It could be two people or it could be ten people, but you know these people are the greatest things in your life.  They might not physically be there to hug you, but technology is a wonderful thing, that makes it possible for them to be there to listen.  These are the people who don’t need you to talk for them to listen, and the ones who are thinking about you and sending good thoughts even when you don’t speak for a few days.  Here are the people who wait to hear about how you’re doing, and check your Facebook status every day just to make sure that you’re OK. They might not respond all the time, but when you need them, all you have to do is reach out.

I was blown away by this one question someone asked me “while you’re taking care of everyone else, who’s taking care of you?” Physically, I guess if someone breaks into my house with a dagger, I’d probably die, but emotionally, I know you guys are out there.  So Addy, we’re all here for you.  All you have to do is reach out.

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