Yesterday, we said goodbye to our old yoga studio as they were moving to a new space. The last yoga session in that space was a beautiful two hour session complete with tabla drumming and a very moving chanting session. By the end of the two hours, the studio was filled with this very calm energy where the tears that were shed were just really peaceful and beautiful.
For me personally, 55 Foveaux Street was the place I had found when I was at a very low point in life. In the last two years, that studio has held many memories for me. That room has known my laughter, tears, joys and fears. It was there that I got the first call from my (then) partner after a long separation. It was there after an emotional Tuesday evening class that I came out to get the call that my grandmother had passed away. That studio was the place I met a few amazing people who until this day play an integral part of my life. It was in the silence, safety and sanctuary of that space that I started knowing who I am and exploring the space within me. That was the place where I learned to forgive.
Yesterday made me think of the attachment we hold for places. By places, I don’t just mean physical places like an address, but places including a juncture in a relationship or a certain mindset. What is it that makes us hold on? Change in inevitable in life but part of us always seems to hold some attachment to something from the past. Sometimes, to hold on to a space, and how things are, we lose people.
How many times have you heard the line “if you love someone, you have to let them go?” What does letting go mean to you? Does it mean you take all your love away by pushing yourself into a place of anger and hate? Change is everywhere. People are organically and constantly growing, and when people grow, the dynamics of our relationships with them change. Is change so daunting that you would rather lose a person than move to a different space with them? How many people are you willing to lose in order to hold on to how things are?
When we love someone or something, we have often built a present comfort zone and a future with them in our heads, of how things will be in five, ten, however many years. Unfortunately, when we build these futures, the only variables that are included are the variables of now. Then when this person changes, it puts us off balance a bit, and our vision of the future is challenged. What do we do then? Some people just adapt and grow with it, and their relationship just grows stronger. Some people flounder. Some people let go of the person they are with in order to maintain the current “place”. Some people allow space for growth while being there should their support be needed. Some people just don’t know what to do.
The thing is, space is something we outgrow when we expand. Just like the yoga centre had outgrown the Foveaux Street studio, sometimes our lives just don’t fit into the neat little areas we have built. Sometimes, the people we love don’t fit into the space we have made for them anymore either, and when we resist change and growth, walls tumble, foundations shake and things fall apart. Just like a couple wanting to start a family, sometimes it is just time to move to a bigger place, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Everything in life is made of relationships, and the beginning of all relationships is the relationship we have with ourselves. So maybe, to accept that other people change and spaces move, we must first make the space for change, to accept and to adept within ourselves. Just like trees, the ones that stand strong and erect are often the ones to break when strong winds blow, but the ones that surrender and move with the winds often survive.
So as of yesterday, the sanctuary and home that has been there for 10 years has closed its doors. I will miss it but in two weeks the doors will open again, in a new place, which we will feed with our love and our energy. Just like relationships, sometimes you just have to let go for a while to allow growth, knowing that although some things will change, the essence of the person will stay the same, and knowing that a new place will only give you more space to feed love and energy into.
Sometimes, you need to be able to say “see you later,” in order to not say “goodbye”. Sometimes you need to honour the current space, and shed a tear, knowing that it has served its purpose and that it is time to grow. Sometimes, you need to surrender in order to say strong. Nothing is ending. Nobody is going away. You are still mine and I am still yours. The tides of change are just moving us to a new space in order to allow for more room to grow. The choice to hold on or to allow expansion is ours and ours alone.
Namaste to Nicole, Phil, Heather, Ingrid, Andrew, Michael, Muzzy, Beth, Belinda, Mel and the rest of the Body Mind Life team. Thank you for the last two years and thank you for teaching me the strength in softness and surrender. Thank you for teaching me that letting go does not mean saying goodbye.