The Right Person

You know how post breakup, there is always this period where you wonder what went wrong, and some well-meaning person will say it will be different with the right person.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great thing to hear.  However, I am starting to wonder if “the right person” assessment only works when it was a very short affair.  After all, once it becomes a long relationship, you have gone past the initial this is what I’m like, this is what you’re like and found a place where you met in the middle.  You’ve already intermingled two lives to a certain extent at this point, and to reach a certain point, this person must have been right in a lot of ways.

What is the right person? Is it someone who shares the same background, or someone who shares the same interests?  Is it someone who snores at exactly the right frequency that you can sleep through it?  Is it someone who is different from you and you complement each other or is it someone who shares the same hobbies, habits and personalities as you?  And when someone says “you’ll know when it’s right.”  How do you know? From what I have seen, a commitment is a leap of faith from both parties.  It’s not limited to commitment though.  Our knowledge of things change as we know more about them, and there is no way to know something is going to be true in 50 years until you are there, 50 years in the future.  Everything else is based on your effort and commitment.

The thing with putting the entire fate of the relationship on this so called right person is that you stop taking ownership of things.  In extremity, the right person would accept you leaving your socks all over the place, eating out of a dirty dish, lying about your age, lying in general, your tendency to become a bully when you’re upset and many other ridiculous habits.  So in waiting for this right person, there is a chance that you go from relationship to relationship thinking that the next one will be the one that fixes you or you just sit around doing nothing because the right person will find you anyway.

In saying all this, I must admit that I still am a romantic and I do believe that the right person does exist.  However, there is this other side of the equation – if your right person is a reflection of you, then maybe instead of concentrating outwards for the right person, perhaps it’s time to focus inwards and become the right you.  From there, this right person might just wander on into your life, at the right time, in the right place, and this time, he will be the right kind of right.  And if that doesn’t happen? Well, then you’ll be alright on your own.

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