Yesterday, at the airport, I was killing time by browsing the magazine store, the women’s magazine section to be more specific. What caught my attention (well after the shoes) were the articles about sex. Everywhere I looked titles like “Get What You Want in Bed” and “The Best Sex of Your Life” just screamed at me. Looking at all that, I’m not surprised that so many people are unsatisfied with their sex lives.
You open one of these magazines, and there are step-by-step instructions on how to achieve this “mind blowing” sex. So much about doing things the right way that you would start questioning your own sex life and wondering if it could get better. However, I wonder, like our shoes, handbags, clothes, watches and cars, have we been conditioned to think that whatever sex we have is never going to be good enough?
We hope that people would know the difference between good sex and bad sex. However, when we look at the rest of our lives where we keep pursuing things and are then on to the next thing when we get there, is our pursuit of “amazing sex,” becoming just that, an endless pursuit? At the end of the day, how important is the other person in this equation? Or is the other person just like the dinner in the fancy restaurant where once you’ve been there, you can brag about it then try a new fancy restaurant?
Sex is discussed a lot, and very openly in our society, especially in the media. Just like relationships, we have been brainwashed to believe that there are certain “ideals.” The thing is, if we are always focusing on these ideals in the media, how would we even be present enough in the moment to know it when it’s right there? Like everything else, a balance needs to be struck. Of course it would be great to be well informed. However, how well informed is too well informed that we start questioning the things that made us happy before we became so well informed?
So, what really does differentiate just sex and great sex? Is it technique or is it completely enjoying the person you are with? When do we throw out the sex “to do list” and just be? At what point do we stop thinking about “mind blowing sex” and focus on making love instead? Maybe it’s time to just throw out the checklists anyway. For now, just enjoy the person you’re with in every other way. Maybe instead of making sex into love, maybe it’s about making love in other ways, and the sex will just come when it comes.