Sober Sex?

A few weeks back, a few friends and I decided to meet for dinner. As usual when a group of girls get together, the topic of sex comes up.  What’s a dinner when there aren’t discussions about who’s currently doing whom? The discussion went round to first time sex with new partners, and how nine times out of ten, that first romp would include alcohol.  For some, that first alcoholic romp occured the first time they meet their partners even.

I’m not saying that it’s wrong, or right, or anything at all. People meet in many different ways.  I’m just putting it out there. We treat sex like its just part of life. In fact, those who do not include sex in their need for basic survival, we psychoanalyze to pieces – oh she’s been abused/hurt/still in love with her ex/unbalanced second chakra/physically unhealthy/ugly so on and so forth.  Yet for all our talk, we proceed to drink ourselves silly when we see a potential partner in the bar/pub/races.  If we meet them somewhere without alcohol, we invite them out to drinks or dinner, with drinks included.

Could it be that with all our talk on how sex is a necessity/way to unwind/part of life that we do in fact find sex with someone new too confronting? Or could it be that like everything else we do in life (dinner/dancing/movies), we need some sort of stimulant in order to enjoy it? Alcohol, as we know is the commonly accepted drug widely used as an emotional shied and a mood enhancer.  And sex, first time sex with someone, can be a confronting, uncomfortable and awkward event (or non-event).  It’s never like it is in the movies, and sadly enough, no amount of alcohol can make it so.

Sex has the potential of being a very “in your face” experience. And let’s face it, a lot of times, when we move the relationship to that arena, we really do not know this person well enough to be comfortable staring into their eyes dead sober while our bodies are as close as two entities can get.  I don’t know what to do when a man stares at me from across the room, let alone when his face is three inches from mine. Something is needed to take the edge off the experience.

We can handle physical contact, and we can handle emotional contact, but what happens when there is the opportunity to have both at the same go? What happens when someone is close enough to feel you and see how you really feel? Is it too much? Do we have drunken sex to hide how much we care or do we have it because we do not care enough? Is alcohol our way of getting the physical release and affection without having to give emotionally?

There are a lot of questions and not enough answers, but what will you do when he’s standing right next to you, desire emanating from both of you, and there is no drink in sight? Will you go into this challenging confronting vortex of awkwardness or will you hold off until you can have a drink to dull things down? Or are you ready to face sex with all your boundaries down and nothing to cloud your senses? Are you ready to be uncomfortable and awkward, and to let someone into more than your physical space?


One thought on “Sober Sex?

  1. Pingback: First dates first « Azphoenix's Blog

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