First dates first

I hate first dates. I don’t much like dates in general. Well, no, I love dates. I just don’t like it when it’s called a date. And I don’t like it when it consists of sitting across from someone in polite society, where you actually have to behave politely, when you’re just getting to know them. You could like someone a lot, enjoy hanging out with them, and have heaps to say, then they ask you out ON A DATE, and suddenly it all goes downhill.  The word “date” just brings up all sorts of stigmas and expectations. Most of the time, the expectation doesn’t even come from this other person (if they knew you before asking you out you’d hope they knew what they were asking out).  The expectation usually comes from you.  Suddenly from a comfortable friendship, it becomes an exercise in weirdness. Suddenly you don’t know what to wear, or what to say, to hug, not to hug, to kiss, or not?  Suddenly, you’re worried about how you sit/stand/smell. Suddenly it could become SOMETHING.

OK, I haven’t been on a first date for a while. And even when I was actively dating, although I found it a lot of fun, I also found the whole ritual quite daunting and exhausting.  More so when I was really interested.  Somehow it’s only when you’re interested that that pimple wishes to show up just then, or you feel bloated, or all 60 pairs of your shoes feel wrong, or your brain just decides to go on a hiatus without telling the rest of you. When you’re not really into it, everything seems to just flow smoothly doesn’t it? Thank goodness for alcohol, the juice that makes things all good, and works really well.

Go to your trusted Google and you can find any number of sites with first date tips.  There are even tips for yoga poses that you can do to bring out your best before going on a date: http://www.lexiyoga.com/videos/yoga-for-dating.  This is all separate from the proper meat market dating websites like RSVP and eHarmony.  Dating is a whole industry on its own. And how do you make an industry? Well, if I knew I would be rich wouldn’t I? But I’m pretty sure that one way is to create an ideal and make people think that they have to live up to it to be successful.  Works much better if you can get a celebrity or an “it” person to endorse it.  I’m sure the place where Kim Kardashian goes on dates makes heaps of money on unsuspecting conformers.

People keep asking me why I haven’t gone back to dating. Sure, I would love to, except that it actually requires going on first dates.  Besides, what do you even do on a first date? Dinner? Boring. Movie? No chance to talk. Drinks? I don’t drink much anymore. And of course, drinking would increase the chance of falling into bed with someone before you’re sure about it. See last post: https://azphoenix.wordpress.com/2012/07/20/sober-sex/.  This unfortunately leaves a lot of the standard options out.  Fortunately however, it does force you to go outside. A walk in the park followed by ice cream is nice. The beach is a good option.  You’ll say that these are things you can do with your mates.  Yes, they are, and that’s what makes them good options. Besides, until you decide to go further, mates are what you are.  Whatever it is, that first date, in some way, shape or form needs to come first.

So yeah, maybe it isn’t that bad. Maybe it’s harder to get someone to ask you out in the first place, especially if you don’t frequent bars and pubs as a lifestyle choice, but that, of course, is a different story 😉

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