Marred Perfection

The slow passage of time
as I wait for you to appear to me. Deeper into the night I go
Searching… Searching
For your face o my Beloved.
Then slowly, too slowly for time
Your shadow emerges.
First, a glimpse,
Then clearer and clearer in the darkness.

Oh all this waiting was worth it,
For your flawed perfection.

For the knowledge,
That you were with me all along.
Though it took complete darkness
To know that you were there


Phoenix Moon – the tale of the Phoenix and the Wolf

Once there was a Phoenix born to earth dwelling parents.  As they could never understand her fire or her need to fly, they did everything they could to protect her.  What they never realized was that being a Phoenix, flying and burning was part of her nature, and where it would kill others, it only made her stronger.  The Phoenix tried to be an earth creature, and even tried to love one, but just like her parents, he never understood her, and his fear of her nature pushed him to do everything in his power to hold her down.  Unfortunately, her nature won and broke free, burning him in the process.  The more he had tried to dominate her, the more it fed her fire and finally it came out in a great explosion, setting their world on fire.

So she flew away, leaving everything she knew and loved.  Being afraid that she would burn another again, she spent years flying alone.  Then one day, as she was flying, she came across a Wolf, out hunting on his own.  Immediately something in him drew her to him.  She sensed that although he resembled a wolf, there was something more to him, something that even he hadn’t discovered yet.  So fighting every ounce of fear that she felt, she let him in.  Together they defied nature, but she always felt that there was a part of him he was holding back, a part of him that he chose to forget.

As they grew closer, and she grew to know his family, she grew to know him.  He came from a family where his brothers had all chosen a space between heaven and earth, with creatures of the sky.  And with the women of his family, she could feel the sky within them.  While his brothers had chosen to be free of pack constraints and make their own fate, her Wolf however, chose to travel with a wolf pack.  Within his pack, the Phoenix was overjoyed to find other creatures of the sky among the pack mates.  It was often that they would exchange stories of the sky, and speak of things not of this world.  From them she realised that there were land dwelling creatures who could allow their sky-dwelling mates to fly.

The Phoenix had lived her life holding her fire in, and she continued to do so, but with the Wolf, she tested her boundaries, and his.  In public, she always held her flame in, but when they were alone together, in the dark of night, she would sometimes allow her inner fire to burn.  And in the dark of night, he matched her fire.  He matched her in every way, and encouraged her to take flight, but she was always aware of the part of himself that he had yet to face. One day, a scent in the spring wind caught them both off guard and the Wolf just left her to run off with his pack.  After fighting  and crying for a while, the Phoenix let go.  Then one day after many moons, injured and broken, he came back to her, and she let him into her life again, without judgement, without question.

For six moons she waited in fear, that the wind would blow in the wrong direction and he would leave again.  Then she lowered her guard, and softened into their life.  A life they were building between heaven and earth.  Just when she was settled though, the Spring winds came again.  Just like that, he no longer wanted her again.  Heaven seemed too alien to him and he wanted the earth again.  This time, she couldn’t bring herself to fight.  She flew away to allow him room to breathe.  She had always been close when he needed her, always been ready to fight with him, but this time, she needed him to fight for her.  As she expected, as soon as she left, the pack surrounded him.

The nature of the Phoenix is that she is a creature of intuition, fire, freedom and passion.  In her intuition,  she always sensed that the answers he needed could only be found in his past.  The nature of wolves however, is that they are creatures of self-gratification, often traveling in packs and bound by pack rules.  The Phoenix knew, that the only way her Wolf would ever find himself was if he braved being alone and faced the darkness of his past.  But the pack would never allow that, and she knew she could not win against his pack. She didn’t want to be another voice in his ear, drowning out the voice that he needed to find – his own voice.

In her silence and meditation, one day she caught a vision.  Another wolf had moved in, a female.  She knew before she saw it.  That was the day the Phoenix’s heart broke.  That was the day the flame inside her started to rage.    Maybe she had been wrong after all. Maybe all he could be was a wolf instead of the Wolverine she sensed.  Maybe all he wanted was to be part of the pack with a mate who would never fly.  Maybe all her faith had been misplaced for all these years, for instead of climbing further or braving himself to jump higher he chose to move deeper into the ground.

The anger she felt was more for herself than for him. She was disappointed that she chose to trust him again, that she saw more in him than he ever saw in himself.  She knew that as long as he chose to deny the part of him that could fly, he could never find her, and as long as he could never find her, he could never hurt her again.  Deep inside she also knew that if she didn’t leave, her fire would burn and destroy all those she loved and all those he held dear. After all, as long as he believed he was a pack Wolf, the sky was beyond his grasp. So on the night of the full moon, she flew.  Once there, she let the fires consume her in every way. In the flame she sent a wish out that he would someday remove the blocks from his memory and brave the past.  Only then and when he realized that he didn’t have to be what everyone wanted him to be would he be free to become everything that he was meant to be.

So when you look up at the red moon, think of the Phoenix burning far far away.  For in order to be whole enough to support others that might need her, she had to let the flames engulf before rising again.